monday, as in monday a week ago - 4/29, there was a gathering of people for a bit of happy hour-type revelry, which is usually all fine and good. myself, i wasn't in the mood for too much revelry, as drinking is pretty much a no-no right now, and my mental state was kind of iffy. however, i did want to spend time with the people involved, so it wasn't all bad - i just wasn't feeling very much fun to be around. as the night progressed, the group got smaller. honestly, at one point the night should have just ended as everyone had pretty much reached their limit, but you know how it goes. sometimes you just don't want the 'party' to end.

we moved on to another place, which was pretty empty & rather quiet, i imagine mostly due to it being a monday night. i was actually enjoying myself more at this second place, i guess because everything was more mellow. there was hockey on tv inside. everyone else in the group, though, wanted to sit outside on the patio - and also, none of them really give a shit about the hockey. so after i sat watching hockey by myself for a few minutes and talking to the bartender (about hockey), i decided i was being really lame so i went outside & joined the group. even after the hockey was long gone, i must say i still had strong reservations to being outside on the patio because as i've mentioned before, i simply cannot deal with these guys. it's not as if we were being attacked, but just one of those damn bugs flying around is enough to make me feel like there's an invasion going on. so that was making me uncomfortable & irritable.

two members of the party, a couple, were arguing. i don't know about what exactly, but it all seemed to be centered around jealousy, which i'll readily admit is a touchy subject for me to begin with. do i ever get jealous? sure i do. i'd love to be able to say that i never do, but i'm human and quite fallible. i think that a lot of the time, jealousy stems from low self-esteem and lord knows mine isn't always as great as it could be. ok, now i'm rambling.

this 'argument' was on and off becoming the topic of conversation for the group, but i mean - how much can it really be talked about when you don't even know the whole fucking story? more importantly, alcohol + issues is never a good mix. then involving others in your relationship issues, especially while drinking, is almost like begging for trouble. the mood would seem to settle down for a bit, and then it'd get all crazy again. it was almost closing time anyway, so i was kind of prepared to leave as it was, but then the male half of the couple screamed (what, i can't even remember, and it really doesn't matter) and slammed his glass down on the table. so i just knew it was time to go and i don't remember exactly what i said, either, but most likely something stupid like "ok! time to go! don't wanna deal with people slamming shit around!"

from this point it's all kind of a blur, but somehow it didn't end there. male was angry with me, for being angry with him for slamming things & screaming, or for disagreeing with him, or because he felt like all the women were ganging up on him, or who knows what the fuck - i mean, honestly, when anyone is that drunk and gets that mad - do they really even know what the fuck they're so mad about? i seriously doubt it. all i know for sure is that something was said that pushed one of my crazy buttons and so i lashed out. screamed something about everyone being fucked up and i shoved male in the arm, shoved him away from me. well, that did it. i was then grabbed and thrown to the ground. i remember immediately just bursting into tears. not even crying really - more like hysterically bawling. i think what i felt more than anything was just shock. i couldn't believe what had just transpired in literally a matter of seconds.

i remember female half of the couple trying to comfort me, seeing if i was ok, trying to help me up. i remember another female member of the party screaming at male "she's pregnant!" i remember getting up and male still being furious, yelling that i was his enemy. i remember looking inside and being surprised and at the same time relieved that it appeared that nobody inside had seen anything. one thing that i do remember pretty clearly is telling male that he was lucky i didn't call the cops and telling him to fuck off before leaving.

the place we'd been at is relatively close, so the drive home was quick. my back was hurting. hurting a lot. i was still bawling like a baby. i recall noticing a police car and thinking "please don't let me get pulled over now." i didn't. when i got home i was still boo-hooing. it was like - uncontrollable. for some reason, i felt the need to wake my mother and tell her what happened. looking back, i really wish i hadn't - but i guess it was one of those "i just want mommy!" kind of moments. feels weird to say that at my age, but i think that's exactly what it was. she gave me some tylenol or something. i was still crying. i came upstairs & wrote rob an email and then crawled into the bed with my cats. i was in a lot of pain, but i did manage to fall asleep somehow.

so, without going any further with that story - this is why i ended up in the ER on tuesday. i still felt like crap on tuesday morning, lots of pain, but i thought - you know, maybe it will wear off. it didn't. it only seemed to get worse as the day went by so that afternoon, after finding out that my regular doctor was out of town, my mom took me into the ER. for obvious reasons they didn't want to do any x-rays on my back. my right thumb was a bit swollen because i'd apparently tried to block the fall, and they did x-ray that, but nothing broken or anything. said i'd just obviously sprained it pretty good. i am happy to report that my visit to the ER was much quicker than my father's, though. of course i went to a different hospital, so that's probably part of it. i got some kind of pain shot in my butt (yay), and left with a splint on my right thumb and two prescriptions. the doctor's best judgment call was that i'd severely strained the muscles in my back. he said i was almost certainly having muscle spasms, which would explain why it was hurting to even take a breath. he said anti-inflammatory medication would be of no use because since i'm pregnant, it'd really only be safe for me to take like two doses - and the pain was going to be around for a lot longer than that.

the medication he prescribed basically lasted me through the week. i'm still hurting a lot. nothing like i was last week - i mean, i can breathe without pain again. the pain isn't shooting up my back anymore. now it's just constant in my lower back and my tailbone hurts like hell. i'm nearly positive that when i fell, i fell on my left side, so how in the hell i injured my tailbone, i don't know. actually, i was trying to joke about it with rob yesterday so that i'd feel better. i was telling him that i must have been doing some inadvertent gymnastics during that fall because i feel so confident that i fell on my left side, yet i somehow managed to fuck up my right thumb, my back & tailbone, i had a small scrape & bruise on my right knee, and then a scrape on my left elbow, too. what's the story on that? leave it to me, i guess. rob bought me one of these pillows that i've made fun of because i like to make fun of all that crap they sell on tv. it was so cheap in the drug store, rob was saying just try it and if it doesn't work, then throw it away. actually, after using it last night, i have to say that my back wasn't hurting nearly as bad this morning as it has been previously. at first i was just convinced that hey - i'm healing - which i'm quite sure that i am, but all i know is that as the day went on today, it was right back to hurting like hell again. so i vote that the pillow helped. i'm a side-sleeper anyway, so the silly thing pretty much stays where it's supposed to. rob also bought me this pillow that's really supposed to be for neck support, but i've been using it for a lumbar support when i'm sitting and it's also helping the pain not be so bad.

i keep forgetting to write about hockey. i will do that soon enough.

ok, it is so past my bedtime, but i just went searching to see if i could find a link for that neck pillow thing. i couldn't, but instead i found this. heh.