these are the three that they printed out for us. we also got a video, so if i ever get motivated, i might actually take some scans from that. they seemed quite sure that it's a girl - yikes. all of the stuff that they checked looked fine, so that's good news. i keep forgetting exactly far along i am. all i know for sure is that i'm 19 weeks, something, and i feel like the goodyear blimp is hanging out in my tummy.

we're back from our trip.

i'm a year older.

it's a girl.

back later with more. ok bye.

we're off to tennessee tomorrow. i'm not even sure where my relatives are living now, as they've moved since i was last there, but i know they're still near pigeon forge & sevierville. our plan is to leave tomorrow and arrive sometime late thursday or early friday. we'll spend friday & saturday there and then start back on sunday. i'm going to miss all of my animals again. christina is going to come and take care of everyone while we're gone. wish me luck (actually, my mother & i both need it) that my father doesn't drive me insane.

blah. lately, that about sums everything up. i don't know what's wrong with me. i have a pretty strong suspicion that a lot of this is the result of my decision to quit taking my anti-depressant. last time i went to the midwife, she expressed concern about it. she didn't outright tell me to quit taking it, i just did that on my own because i started worrying about it too much. now i just feel all negative and anxious, and i'm afraid it's only getting worse. i go back for my monthly appointment this thursday, so i'll talk to her about it then.

i am now about 90% moved back into my house. rob came over last night & helped me move the majority of the crap i still had over here back to my place. i've still got to unpack, of course, and there's stuff that's in my house that needs to be moved around, also. it just feels so much closer now, and that makes me happy. carpenter guy was supposed to be here in the morning to hang my kitchen cabinets, fix a door that won't shut now because of the carpet, and fix my closet. something came up, though, so there's a chance he may show up & a chance he may not. we'll see. the sooner that stuff is done, the better.

why in the hell is kid rock so popular? what's the attraction?

how did july get here so quickly? it doesn't feel like july. at the same time, though, how is it possible that i'm only four months pregnant when it feels like this has been going on for like ten months? i feel so anxious about everything to do with baby. i'm not sure how much of that is first-time mom stuff and how much of it is just me being a weirdo. it feels like i've been pregnant forever even though i've yet to gain even ten pounds and i've yet to feel any baby movement (i hear this should be coming relatively soon). so in the same breath i want to say "i don't even feel pregnant yet!" does my exasperation indicate that i'm not as maternal as i (think i) should be? i hope it's just me feeling baffled because this is all so new.